Till forever....

Magic?
I think I believe in Magic....

Otherwise  who would have  thought  that I would meet such Wonderful people.
Love is what binds us...
Trust is what makes us strong..

Whatever  roads we may take....
WE'll always meet and come together in the end...

I'm Here

''A Girl like me...
Hmmm..... A Girl like mee....!!''

She sings the last lines of the song and then we listen to the recording. For any other person it would be difficult to diffrentiate between our tones but I know HER voice as clearly as she knows MINE.
The song ends but we are still laughing our heads off, Sharing this moment of happiness together........


I remember that moment as I listen to the recording again and again. I
pick up the phone, wanting to call you and tell you that ''I miss You.'' !!
But I don't. I lack courage, you see.

There is a lot that I wish I could say to you and a lot that I want to hear from you. Usually we dont talk much,
 we just share the beautiful moments.
Back then when we were always together, I was waiting eagerly for the day when you would go away. 
Now, when we are never together, I die for your company, your presence, your love.

It all seems so unfair. Fourteen years together and now I don't even get a week with you. Our jamming sessions, our rain dance, our long walks in the moonlight, our novels, our Badminton-Racquet-mike, our Stupid-fights, our Photo-shoots..... I could go on forever.
Describing our relationship can be difficult. The more you try to understand it, the more deep it becomes.
Just want you to know that if you ever need someone who loves you more than you love yourself, I'll forever BE here.

UNCERTAIN TIMES...!!

Its been few years,
Not many worries and no tears,
Days went on smoothly,
There was hardly any night gloomy.
My lips smile at uncertain times,
Don't know why...
Maybe because those moments,
are a kind of bind.
That will remain with me,
throughout the sands of time.
The thing unforgetable obviously,
Was that etched night,
Moreover that flight,
In which two stars remained,
Cosely knit, unknown,
Of what they really did.
It was just a humble bliss,
That faded of with time.
Like i just said bye and planted a kiss,
Well on those pretty memories,
Of that funny trip.
Even this funny word reminds me,
Of another night
That drew me crazy,
Everything hazy,
Answering to few questions...
I obviously felt uneasy.
I did somehow,
What a total wow!
But......
I can't really open up,
Because things will get more toughen up.
It needs abundant courage,
To close those memories of a friend.
Because i really do hate,
When i smile at uncertain times.
People ask "why are u smiling?"
But to my subtleness
I go back in those memories,
And smile even more......
Shutting my body's all doors!!
At uncertain times,
Some uncertain smiles.
Nothing much..........

DRIVING HUNGER...

A moment  back everything was perfect,
I was happy....I was satisfied
but in a jiffy....
Everything went tasteless,
Seemed as if a huge tsunami came
and took away everything with it.
What has happened?
Where did the satisfaction go?
Am I not happy?
I feel like having a lump in my throat,
What is  troubling me??
Seeing others doing better,
Or seeing yourself doing bad.
I don't know......
But im getting closer to find an answer.
I called my friend,
She seemed happy
But i know she's not,
Everything went upside down.
Mom says"its okay",
One should not fill the tummy at once,
some hunger left is good,.
I can feel that hunger now,
These words are soothing
But if u look back for a second,
and realize what you've missed,
Its a bad feeling i must say,
Even my friend has this hunger,
Maybe more than me,
For the coming years
I wish her all the best!!
To my self.......
I take whatever comes my way ,
But i hope and want,
May this hunger drives me
To a point where I get satisfaction
And I know that place is not so far
As I write this, .
I hold the pen even stronger,
I feel the heat coming out,
The heart beats faster,
I do not know why,
but it just simply does so....
Somebody switched on the fan
I think the wind has come
And i need to run!!

The journey from TRUST to BETRAYAL !

The phone rang..... it was Maira

           " Hurry Up ! The Park in the Downstreet.... Your intentions weren't wrong. You were right . "

And the line got cut ... Without wasting even a sec , I just left.

   Those 20 min in the car my heart would have beated nearly 200 times per minute ... and my whole body was vibrating as if m gonna get a mini heart attack !

  Soon I reached the park ... and searched for Maira .... and the moment I saw her ... her face spoke that these few minutes of my life are not going to be gud....

   She held my wrist ..... dragged me ... and took me to a strange spot where stood a huge tree with hollow trunk from one side . The view looked exactly like a movie location..

  Maira left my wrist and pointed her fingers towards the hollow part of the trunk ...

             As my one foot moved forward towards the tree ... my actions were accompanied by the increasing of my heart beats ....... " Dhak Dhak !! Dhak Dhak !!" ........ My fingers were crossed and only 1 thought was revolving in my mind that somehow Maira gets proved wrong ......

           But Maira won ! And then came the moment which ruined my life foreva !!

 

____It was my BEST FRIEND with my BOY FRIEND ..........................!!!!!!!__

 

It was the GIRL whom I knew since I was in 2nd std ....... who mattered more than a best friend to me..... who was my family when everyone left me.... who was the second name of TRUST to me ... who knew every single secret .. from my first crush till my first love...And see the coincidence ! ... She was the only girl I caught red handed with my FIRST LOVE......

         The two persons I TRUSTED at my best ....... BETRAYED me at their best !!

My world was over ........... finished ...... terminated !!!

 

         " I cried in front of you... used your shoulders to lie upon whenever I had a fight with him ... and you used to console me by saying  that he is only mine.. and no one can love him more than me ....... !! You knew na how much I loved him ... You knew I can evn die for him .. You knew na .... GOD DAMN IT !! You knew na... Then WHY ?.............. Everything was a lie ! Everythng was fake ! You both were fake ! This was the best betrayal of my life and enough to end my world . THANK YOU both for everything ! "

                 These were the last words I delivered to them before I left that place and this world forever ......

 

P.S.  Trust do not come with a Gurranty or Warranty Card ... Make sure if you keep it ... Its all on your own RISK !!

 

Life After Death

Lying down dead...
It's me solitary. Eyes open.
A hand comes but I can't perceive the touch because by the time I've been deprived of my senses. I am dead. My life is terminated...

My body weight from 45 kg reaches to not zero but .000_ _ _ some value...
Ahh ! My soul is still there. And then it rises, gets out of my body but feels gloomy as it won't get such a worthy cage again. :)
Bye Mansi ! I'll miss you !
It waits for my reply though knowing that now no Mansi exist...
It travels miles alone meeting various other souls. Makes new friends. It seems Mansi's effect is still not gone.It ends up at a door, turns back and gapes the earth and it's family mourning down there. Some are not crying but they are sad and proud at the same time.
The door opens and the soul gets into the heaven, the Hereafter. A purely figure waiting for the only soul specially starts staring it and then enunciates, " I'm glad to see you. My creation devised in my own shadow." The soul realizes the shadow an absolutely fine creation. Not the body but the mind.
"I am proud of your living. Down there, everyone is proud as you actualized your only wish. You did die for your motherland." The soul just can't express those delighted, pleased, buoyant feelings and quitely hugs the figure and sleeps in his lap as it's indeed very tired.
The figure caresses it and thinks,"Extraordinary death ! Mansi, you died but I assure you that your soul will live an eternal life after your death too..."
And there somewhere up in the sky amongst those stars, a star shines brightly after getting the figure's message and there Mansi smiled !

Miss you..!!

Dear Sandra,

I don't know how to explain my feelings but this pain is forcing me to utter them.The day you left me I became lonely all again. It hurted me the most, not that I became lonesome but the fact that my life ''you'' had left me, all alone in the darkness.

On that night you embraced me in your arms n we promised to be together forever.....
 I kept my words .Never betrayed you,always stood by your side.

But you..
You went away and with that my smile also lost. A part of my heart and soul succumbed. I was lost somewhere in the dilemma of my thoughts.

Now I try my best 2 forget everything. At night whenever I am surrounded by the clouds of your memories and when my ache is the greatest ,tears roll out of my eyes and sometimes it even gives me relief.

Now as I am writing this letter I still feel your presence beside me. I can still smell you..though just in my imaginations. But this visualization is of no use as ''you'' are not with me anymore...

The  promise which we had made is now broken and with that my heart has also broken into pieces
The more u go away the more it hurts me.

But now u have gone too far to return back.You are hiding somewhere among the stars.
And I can do nothing.
So I bow my head n cry n cry n cry...

Love
Ryan

b'coz YOU exist in my soul ....

....Uh....hhhhhhh ....

I took a long breadth .. watching everything getting wet outside with the consistently falling rain drops...

( I never get how small droplets of water can affect the hormones of a person.. But they do ..! they do it really well !! they put you into a world of imagination and you get drowned in it  )

 

I was sitting calmly.. near the window .. with my both hands crossed around me ..... in a try to hug myself .. but then.. I suddenly discovered that 'YOU' can do it much better than I could !!

 

My eyes were closed ...... imagining if you were here .... it would have been your arms around me n mine around you.... Meanwhile I could feel the goose bumps constantly arising in my whole body... making me feel good ... Yeah ! I was feeling good in dis unreal world ... which I knew was far much better than reality. But still I was happy because I knew 'YOU' are here...

 

*.. 'YOU' exist in me.....*  ..From the day 'YOU' touched my soul you exist in me...every moment !!   It just takes me to close my eyes and I can feel you..

 I can feel you so perfect !!

I can feel your HANDS moving around me...... your LIPS touching my eyes , cheeks , forehead , neck and ears...... your EYES constantly staring at me .... your VOICE telling me ' Baby ! I love u '... your KISS making my lips go dry .... and your never ending THOUGHTS making my eyes wet .....

 

And so as simple .. I once again got lost in 'YOU' .. in your love .. but then I knew that I have to come out of this as this isn't the reality !

I took a long breadth again ..... opened my eyes slowly with a broad smile on my face and tears in my eyes and suddenly I heard a voice coming out of me saying  ...

 

" YOU'll exist in MY SOUL always !! "

 

Fresh n warm.

The sun had just come up. Even though I hadn't opened my eyes but still I could feel its warmth on my face. Fresh and light. The warmth wasn't new. I had felt it before.
 When his lips touched mine. Savouring me, slowly and carefully.
 But he had pulled away suddenly. Smiling at me.
 'Umm... what happened??' I had asked.
 'Nothing! just wanted to see your face light up. Like it always does.'
 I had chuckled. Wrapped my arms around him and kissed him again. Only this time I hadn't let go.

 I open my eyes and find him staring at my face.
 'Moring! Whats with the staring??' The morning rays made his face glow even more. Beautiful, isn't he?
 'You know you were smiling while you were asleep. Dream??'
 'Ahaan.?'
'What was it about??'' Could he stop talking. Well, I can make him shutup!
 'Wanna experience it with me??' I chuckle mischeviously.
Taking his face in my hands is pull him towards me until our lips are just inches apart. And then we are kissing. His tongue against mine. Hard and passionate.
 But then he pulls away. Grinning at me.
 'Don't stop.!' I scream this time.
 'Hey, I just wanted to see your face light up. Like it always does.'

No One Can Hurt me as much as You Can.

2:00 am.
My cell rings.
'Hello.' I pick up the call wondering who it could be.
'Hey. It's me.'

 It takes me a minute to realize that it's actually her.
'You are still awake? I thought you might have fallen asleep by now. Sorry for calling so late.'
After the events that transpired today, I hadn't thought that she would have the courage to talk.

 'Yeah! 'em awake. You say.' I hear her soft breath and wait for her to start talking.
'See... I know you are angry. And hurt. But what you did wasn't right. You ain't just my friend. You are my family. Why did you react like that?' I could feel her voice shaking as she continued to speak.
 'I know I did wrong. I should have told you... But... At least you should have given me a chance to explain myself? Never in my scariest nightmares had I imagined you walking away like that. Like we were strangers.' And then she burst out crying.

 Was I the devil? Was I the one torturing her?
No. No No. No. She did wrong. She should've said something.
There shouldn't be secrets in a family.

 'We were friends before. But not now. You are the one who broke us apart. You are the one who let me walk away.' Saying that I cut the call.

Rum... Vodka... Whisky...

Spirits are high. It's like I'm floating in the air with my cousins. Energy is ever lasting...
I take some ice cubes and immerse them in my glass full of Rum.
                                   Here goes the shot !!!
The fluid leaves it's impression on my taste buds and runs through the food pipe...
Everything around is amiable,,, passable ...
As if everything is under my control. My hitches become elementary. People with their memories start rotating in my mind and with the deficiency of centrifugal force my thoughts come out when I start mumbling. Though everyone is drowning in the taste of alcohol but I think that they will understand me. My senses pinch me and I somehow come to know that I am disclosing and sharing my problems.
                                There goes the other shot...
On the table, empty bottles seems to be full. Vodka, rum calling me to have them again and again.
                      Feeling myself on the seventh cloud, no limits of happiness ...
"Ouchh !" Now I think someone really pinched me.
"Ohk k !! Am I drunk ?"
Smile.
"No I am not."
"When will I stop imagining ??" Sigh.

WHITE SHEETS...

Miles far I could just see white sheets,
I kept on walking.
They weren't going to end, they had sworn that day...
The trees were white,
Birds as usual on their ride,
Their world seem limitless..
Their strength seemed tireless,
Like those never ending white sheets..
Of snow...yes it was snow.
White yet beautiful,
Expressionless yet peaceful,
Cold yet welcoming,
Hard yet melting easily,
Plain yet stunning,
Lifeless yet jovial.
The trees casting their shadows,
On those lovely sheets.
Did their jobs by making me even more pleased.
 What perfect strokes of brush!
That could even make  the flowers blush.
My eyes could not stop gazing,
At the brilliant masterpiece i was holding.
Oh ! how much i loved it.....
Those adorable lovely white sheets.
My eyes could not believe,
Was it really made by me?
Or was I being once again deceived.

Be strong..Determined...And move on..!!

Life is so easy when we are a kid
We get whatever we want
We play all day...fight...roam here and there
It seems to be like a simple and a straight path.

But as we grow up and move on a little further,the path becomes more and more unordinary
It has many blind turns 
There are lots of pebbles lying upon which we have to walk
There are lots of obstructions
Each pebble gives it's own pain and sadness
Tries to deviate us from our path
Even the people we meet on our way think no good for us
It's just our ownselves who think good about us
Nobody else does so.. No One..Not even the closest one
At some point of life they'll surely betray us,break our trust
But we and our shadow will always be there to support ourselves even in the darkest hour.

The problems and the pain that we go through teach us a lot of lessons
Each and every step that we take has a meaning and a reason behind it
It leaves a print of lessons on our mind,which has a great influencet on us
We get more and more strong and determined towards our goal.
The more we are hit by the destiny the more potent we become.
Depths of oppression creates heights of character.
Whatever may happen,we just have to keep our back straight and move on..!! This is what is life..!!

The Touch Of A Hand

She took her hand assured her that she is the strongest and told her,

"I am here to help you to exterminate the darkness that is amassing in our lives
and to ahead towards the brightness of knowledge.
Have faith in yourself.
You are no Less than anyone else.
Allah has descended you for a reason.
Hold each others hands and feel the strongest.
We'll together walk to those mountains of bravery
and change the surroundings with the seasons.
I  am no God but a simple person like you all
who'll walk with you on the dark path with a torch 
Don't fear. You are brave because you are unique
and you are YOU!"

Meantime she asked her, "Who are you?"
And she replied, "I AM MALALA."

A POEM WORTH READING....

Last night was disturbing.
I cried for no reason,
and I smiled for no reason.
Searching my stuff,
Something happened to catch my eye.

It was a poem written by me,
Sometime back
When i lived in my own thoughts,
deceived by many and deceived
by my own thoughts.

That poem was something,
It contained a bunch of memories,
Nothing was lacking, there was everything,
But what lacked was the time,
Of those pretty memories.

I read that poem again and again,
It felt nicer,so much
That i could feel the drops of rain,
That weren't even falling.
But it seemed as if gradually they poured,
Giving me relief.
But then again vanishing,
Leaving no trace of themselves.

Sensing the power of that poem on me,
I stopped abruptly.
I could see myself getting closer,
To that lost time,
But somewhere i knew
That it would give me nothing.
Only a state that would make life stygian.
And it would take everything,
Everything that enliven my life.

I slowly flitted away ,
Away from bijou of those memories.
And yes, it had left me nothing
Just me in my deep thoughts
With a wish, a chance
That wasn't worth asking for.

To recuperate from it would be hard,
A fact i knew very well.
I passed on thinking that,
That time was like a nova,
Which became brighter for sometime
But then nowhere was to be seen.

Now i think,
A little courage and a little effort,
Would have made everything perfect.

But why am I thinking all this.
I knew what I had done was right.
Staying silent was all I had done,
And I hope it will serve me best.

I decided to sleep
This is the one thing which is difficult to get,
When lies behind you is a night full of forlorn.
That feat I soon achieved that night,
It was difficult but I tried every bit.

Slept I soon was.
Even the dreams were disturbing
I perfectly remember, almost intact
There was a sea, overflowing with waves
A place abandoned long ago
And would remain so,
For centuries more.
This is what I made out of that dream.

I woke up.....
Morning was sweet, mesmerizing
Not akin to any other dawn.
The breeze was gentle,
Soothing last night reveries.
That day the leaves taught me,
The butterflies did the same,
Even the flowers did not remain behind,
Nobody left any stone unturned,
Then how would have I left?

In the water crystal clear
I saw my face , it was refulgent
Last night was gone and with it
Everything was forgotten.

I was back, I realized
No nightmare can halter me,
Nothing can ever shatter me,
No memories can weaken me,
Because I believe,
"I am so strong, you see."

Are you my best friend or something more??

We met as complete strangers
No hello.. no hi..simply ignored each other
But as the time passed,we got to know about each other
so much that we became friends... or ..best friends.

When we sat together, we got lost in our own world ,which was on the other planet
We smiled...giggled..laughed...fought....and cared for each other
We shared our every bit of secret
We were just besties.

But now i guess i have started falling for you
My feelings for you are getting stronger and stronger
The way you talk.....I admire it
The way you smile.....I get lost in it
The way you fight.....i get excited
and the way you care for me...I get more and more tempestous.

I guess that this care is taking some other sense for me
Though you may take it as completely normal but it isn't so for me and my heart.

I die to see your face everyday.. smiling or sad..whatever it is..
It makes me happy..Brings a smile.. a glow on my face.

At first i denied my feeling but now i am getting more and more passionate about it and you.. Because i have understood that '' FEELINGS NEVER LIE''

Though i may never confess it to you..because I am afraid of losing you
I always want you here by my side... though as a friend or as an admirer
And for that i am even ready to hide my feelings.

I may never express it...but yeah.. I can assure one thing that my heart will never stop feeling this way... <3 <3

PS-Liking someone doesn't mean you have to be a lover... Sometimes you just have to be friends... :)

Silhouette Of Her Present State Without Him

She told her about the feelings that were encircling her again. She told about the stability she was losing again only because of him. It was like a reunion of her past.
She was willing to slap her but balancing her emotions she told her,"You aren't a schmuck. At least learn a lesson from my experience. You have your studies to deal with, god damn it..."
After hearing all this she sketched her problem,"But I don't know what to do. Everytime I come into my senses, everything around me becomes explicit, there somewhere I come to see him. It's not my fault, di. It's a little lesser than before. I don't spend my nights crying. Days and nights are good. But what is not good is 'me'. I've been disturbed unintentionally. You need to save me... I beg you..." She stopped. Her eyes wet and red. Her boldness suddenly turned into a childish nature. She became a bairne who wanted to shed her tears...
Her di said,"Don't cry. You are my strong baby. You are the one who can do anything and from whom I've learnt a lot. Calm down. You can live on your own."
"Ohh! Shut up di. I know I can live on my own. But to live I need..."
"Him? Huh// You've gone nuts. You are not understanding. Go get your mind fixed. I may suggest go and get some distraction..."
She heard it very clearly. "I don't need any distraction.
I don't need anybody to talk.
I don't need anyone in this world.
I don't need any mirror to tell me who am I.
I don't need any diversion or company.
I just need him." The pitch of her tone lowered and she knelled down. Her sis hugged her and they both started crying. Her di now whispered in her ear,"Ask for anything else. I'll get you anything. You just... "
She cut her in between and said,"Get me him...!" She closed her eyes. Let her tears roll down and slept in her sister's arms.

Shadow of my thoughts

I was lost, confused and exhausted

Betrayed by the one I loved.

Wounded by your hatred,

I longed for a better life

Stood straight, faced it with all strength,

And then the ungrateful happened.

You came back, like a nightmare

Seeking something that wasn’t inside me anymore

My love for you long forgotten

But you came close, and I let you in once again.

In the shadow of my thoughts, it was all perfect

Everything just the way it was before

You knew I was vulnerable,

You knew I was hurt,

Only I didn’t know that you hadn’t changed.

It all vanished away, like a dream,

Leaving me shattered,

In the shadow of my thoughts.

Confronting Yourself !

There comes a time when you might stand alone.
Alone among those four walls and a Door... Same door for the entrance and for the exit. Same door for entering the world of loneliness and same door for exiting the decrepit world...
                                    It's all about the courage, valor, audacity...!
Courage that you don't need to show others but yourself.
Time, situations may kick you badly and leave those pinching marks of memories and a life full of regrets. That time you'd like to enter the lonely world. But, you know what, if you have got brains then you'd rather choose to exit that world of remorse. Remember for every pain there is a  medicine. And the pain that life gives is curable only if you learn how to share it, how to accept it...
There is a crazy world waiting out there for you. People may change. They may throw you in a ditch. But it's your duty to get up from that ditch, clean you clothes, rub the mud from your hands and show the world who you are !
                                 After all life is not a one day night stand,
                                              It's a long shot !