Miss you..!!

Dear Sandra,

I don't know how to explain my feelings but this pain is forcing me to utter them.The day you left me I became lonely all again. It hurted me the most, not that I became lonesome but the fact that my life ''you'' had left me, all alone in the darkness.

On that night you embraced me in your arms n we promised to be together forever.....
 I kept my words .Never betrayed you,always stood by your side.

But you..
You went away and with that my smile also lost. A part of my heart and soul succumbed. I was lost somewhere in the dilemma of my thoughts.

Now I try my best 2 forget everything. At night whenever I am surrounded by the clouds of your memories and when my ache is the greatest ,tears roll out of my eyes and sometimes it even gives me relief.

Now as I am writing this letter I still feel your presence beside me. I can still smell you..though just in my imaginations. But this visualization is of no use as ''you'' are not with me anymore...

The  promise which we had made is now broken and with that my heart has also broken into pieces
The more u go away the more it hurts me.

But now u have gone too far to return back.You are hiding somewhere among the stars.
And I can do nothing.
So I bow my head n cry n cry n cry...

Love
Ryan

b'coz YOU exist in my soul ....

....Uh....hhhhhhh ....

I took a long breadth .. watching everything getting wet outside with the consistently falling rain drops...

( I never get how small droplets of water can affect the hormones of a person.. But they do ..! they do it really well !! they put you into a world of imagination and you get drowned in it  )

 

I was sitting calmly.. near the window .. with my both hands crossed around me ..... in a try to hug myself .. but then.. I suddenly discovered that 'YOU' can do it much better than I could !!

 

My eyes were closed ...... imagining if you were here .... it would have been your arms around me n mine around you.... Meanwhile I could feel the goose bumps constantly arising in my whole body... making me feel good ... Yeah ! I was feeling good in dis unreal world ... which I knew was far much better than reality. But still I was happy because I knew 'YOU' are here...

 

*.. 'YOU' exist in me.....*  ..From the day 'YOU' touched my soul you exist in me...every moment !!   It just takes me to close my eyes and I can feel you..

 I can feel you so perfect !!

I can feel your HANDS moving around me...... your LIPS touching my eyes , cheeks , forehead , neck and ears...... your EYES constantly staring at me .... your VOICE telling me ' Baby ! I love u '... your KISS making my lips go dry .... and your never ending THOUGHTS making my eyes wet .....

 

And so as simple .. I once again got lost in 'YOU' .. in your love .. but then I knew that I have to come out of this as this isn't the reality !

I took a long breadth again ..... opened my eyes slowly with a broad smile on my face and tears in my eyes and suddenly I heard a voice coming out of me saying  ...

 

" YOU'll exist in MY SOUL always !! "

 

Fresh n warm.

The sun had just come up. Even though I hadn't opened my eyes but still I could feel its warmth on my face. Fresh and light. The warmth wasn't new. I had felt it before.
 When his lips touched mine. Savouring me, slowly and carefully.
 But he had pulled away suddenly. Smiling at me.
 'Umm... what happened??' I had asked.
 'Nothing! just wanted to see your face light up. Like it always does.'
 I had chuckled. Wrapped my arms around him and kissed him again. Only this time I hadn't let go.

 I open my eyes and find him staring at my face.
 'Moring! Whats with the staring??' The morning rays made his face glow even more. Beautiful, isn't he?
 'You know you were smiling while you were asleep. Dream??'
 'Ahaan.?'
'What was it about??'' Could he stop talking. Well, I can make him shutup!
 'Wanna experience it with me??' I chuckle mischeviously.
Taking his face in my hands is pull him towards me until our lips are just inches apart. And then we are kissing. His tongue against mine. Hard and passionate.
 But then he pulls away. Grinning at me.
 'Don't stop.!' I scream this time.
 'Hey, I just wanted to see your face light up. Like it always does.'

No One Can Hurt me as much as You Can.

2:00 am.
My cell rings.
'Hello.' I pick up the call wondering who it could be.
'Hey. It's me.'

 It takes me a minute to realize that it's actually her.
'You are still awake? I thought you might have fallen asleep by now. Sorry for calling so late.'
After the events that transpired today, I hadn't thought that she would have the courage to talk.

 'Yeah! 'em awake. You say.' I hear her soft breath and wait for her to start talking.
'See... I know you are angry. And hurt. But what you did wasn't right. You ain't just my friend. You are my family. Why did you react like that?' I could feel her voice shaking as she continued to speak.
 'I know I did wrong. I should have told you... But... At least you should have given me a chance to explain myself? Never in my scariest nightmares had I imagined you walking away like that. Like we were strangers.' And then she burst out crying.

 Was I the devil? Was I the one torturing her?
No. No No. No. She did wrong. She should've said something.
There shouldn't be secrets in a family.

 'We were friends before. But not now. You are the one who broke us apart. You are the one who let me walk away.' Saying that I cut the call.

Rum... Vodka... Whisky...

Spirits are high. It's like I'm floating in the air with my cousins. Energy is ever lasting...
I take some ice cubes and immerse them in my glass full of Rum.
                                   Here goes the shot !!!
The fluid leaves it's impression on my taste buds and runs through the food pipe...
Everything around is amiable,,, passable ...
As if everything is under my control. My hitches become elementary. People with their memories start rotating in my mind and with the deficiency of centrifugal force my thoughts come out when I start mumbling. Though everyone is drowning in the taste of alcohol but I think that they will understand me. My senses pinch me and I somehow come to know that I am disclosing and sharing my problems.
                                There goes the other shot...
On the table, empty bottles seems to be full. Vodka, rum calling me to have them again and again.
                      Feeling myself on the seventh cloud, no limits of happiness ...
"Ouchh !" Now I think someone really pinched me.
"Ohk k !! Am I drunk ?"
Smile.
"No I am not."
"When will I stop imagining ??" Sigh.

WHITE SHEETS...

Miles far I could just see white sheets,
I kept on walking.
They weren't going to end, they had sworn that day...
The trees were white,
Birds as usual on their ride,
Their world seem limitless..
Their strength seemed tireless,
Like those never ending white sheets..
Of snow...yes it was snow.
White yet beautiful,
Expressionless yet peaceful,
Cold yet welcoming,
Hard yet melting easily,
Plain yet stunning,
Lifeless yet jovial.
The trees casting their shadows,
On those lovely sheets.
Did their jobs by making me even more pleased.
 What perfect strokes of brush!
That could even make  the flowers blush.
My eyes could not stop gazing,
At the brilliant masterpiece i was holding.
Oh ! how much i loved it.....
Those adorable lovely white sheets.
My eyes could not believe,
Was it really made by me?
Or was I being once again deceived.

Be strong..Determined...And move on..!!

Life is so easy when we are a kid
We get whatever we want
We play all day...fight...roam here and there
It seems to be like a simple and a straight path.

But as we grow up and move on a little further,the path becomes more and more unordinary
It has many blind turns 
There are lots of pebbles lying upon which we have to walk
There are lots of obstructions
Each pebble gives it's own pain and sadness
Tries to deviate us from our path
Even the people we meet on our way think no good for us
It's just our ownselves who think good about us
Nobody else does so.. No One..Not even the closest one
At some point of life they'll surely betray us,break our trust
But we and our shadow will always be there to support ourselves even in the darkest hour.

The problems and the pain that we go through teach us a lot of lessons
Each and every step that we take has a meaning and a reason behind it
It leaves a print of lessons on our mind,which has a great influencet on us
We get more and more strong and determined towards our goal.
The more we are hit by the destiny the more potent we become.
Depths of oppression creates heights of character.
Whatever may happen,we just have to keep our back straight and move on..!! This is what is life..!!